I tried writing this already once, and it got really complex and psychological and deep and just a bit too much - so lets do it this way.
I love the eighties, everything about it aesthetically makes me tick! Especially the way they made films, specifically horror. I've been devouring hand-crafted, practical effects horror for the past year now and I love EVERYTHING about it. I've became so hungry for it I've even branched out to watching action and sci-fi movies that might have a flash of something delightfully grotesque. I've always sworn I'd hate action and sci-fi, but apparently if its served on a grimy plate with a synth-heavy soundtrack and a one-liner that'll bring the house down, I WILL LAP IT UP.
John McClane - Die Hard (1988) The first time I watched Die Hard I couldn't believe I'd enjoyed an action film. The second time I watched it was at the cinema and when we left I said something along the lines of this to my boyfriend: "What a fucking thrill! John McClane is hot! ... If my boobs weren't so big I'd wear a vest like that all the time."
I often come away from a film simultaneously fancying and wanting to be the main character. I wish my brain could think that quickly, I wish I could be that be that badass, I wish I looked that good with glass in my feet.
There is no greater thrill in a movie for me than a well delivered one-liner or red hot comeback. They have to be quick and they have to be funny.
John McClane's best work: "Now I have a Machine Gun. HO HO HO" I want this on a jumper, and "Does it sound like I'm ordering a pizza?" just the kind of come back I'd think up about three hours after the fact.
R.J. MacReady - The Thing (1982)The way I NEED, not want that bomber jacket. I think I can live without the hat...
I watched The Thing for the first time in the cinema last Halloween. Never has a film so quickly shot up into my favourites of all time. The practical effects in this movie are un-matched.
I want to be brave enough to lead the blood tests, and I want to look that good while I use a flame thrower - my christ!
I lived off the high of watching this film for HOURS, it itched every scratch for me.
Should I ever be in a state where I require a shot of adrenaline like in Pulp Fiction, do not panic! Just play me the lead up to and MacReady's delivery of "Yeah fuck you too!" and I will be a revitalised, new woman.
Jack Burton - Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Yes, that is Kurt Russell, again!
*insert repeated thoughts on looking good and badass in a vest here*
My boyfriend suggested watching this after how much I loved The Thing. I saw martial arts and guns and thought - uh.. okay... yeah maybe!
Whoever said, "never judge a book by its cover" was right and wrong. This movie is martial arts and guns but its also FUNNY. Kurt Russell might be the most effortlessly charming man on the planet? I laughed out loud, a lot!
I remember I was having a bad day and then Jack Burton taps a wall, says "hollow, fuck it!" and at least 50 of my problems had been solved.
Hapless fool saving the day with his lippy on - what a thrill!
Ash Williams - Evil Dead II (1987)
Speaking of hapless fools...
Bruce Campbell has the face for Superman, but thank god he smashed plates over his own head and threw himself around a grotty kitchen instead!
I've watched this film a lot. The first time I fell off the sofa laughing. I didn't know horror could be funny. Ash Williams is one of my favourite characters in film history. I feel feral any time he is successful or fails miserably - both have an equal charm.
I transcend every time I hear the word "Groovy."
Last time I watched Evil Dead II was in the cinema. Big screen, big sound - "Swallow this!" I had to refrain from clapping, whooping, and cheering whilst performing a standing O, are you kidding me?
Oh, and as for my thoughts on wanting to be/dressing like Ash Williams - been there, done that, felt incredible.
Okay, Beth, that's all well and good and fun, but why are you telling us this?
Because it's been a bit of a double edged sword.
Whilst on this journey of finally finding films that bring me enormous joy, I have also been discovering my feminism and I feel as though the two have been at war. Eighties horror and action equals a lot of exposed breasts before mutilation and a lot of damsels in distress (I should add here, I am not specifically referring to the films above but the genre in general and I am still discovering lots of films so perhaps I've only scratched the surface and you could recommend me something to change my opinion!).
I kind of felt bad for idolising lots of male figures and wanting to have attributes akin to there's. It's actually something I've felt guilty about my whole life. I've always struggled when people have asked for my favourite female heroes or characters. A couple of things happened recently though that allowed me to examine and address these feelings...
I watched The Terminator (1984)
Now, I'm not saying The Terminator is a feminist movie BUT... On my journey of watching these sci-fi/action/horror classics it is a movie where the fate of the world rests on the nurture and knowledge of a woman. It's not a lot but its enough to make me not leave the movie with a raging internal feminist debate.
More importantly of course, Sarah Connor with a broken leg, shouldering the grief of her dead lover manages to pulverise the terminator at the end of the movie and as she does it she says "You're Terminated, fucker!" I audibly responded - "yeah he is!"
A WOMAN GETS A CLEVER BADASS ONE-LINER? YEAH SHE DOES!
Oh, and guess what? She wears a vest in the second movie, are you kidding me???
I finished watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997-2002)
(Before we commence it goes without saying but, fuck you Joss Whedon.)
Sarah Michelle Gellar, the woman that you are!
Buffy, again not a perfectly aged programme, but one badass girl/woman! I love that Buffy could be a 'girly-girl' and kick ass, so often it feels that as women we have to pick one.
Society has to be able to categorise you or they get all uncomfortable, unsure of how to handle you - god forbid they don't know whether to patronise you for being 'girly' or bully you for being butch! Buffy, for the most part, felt like it was saying FUCK THAT.
She also gets at least one, if not several, delicious one-liners every episode - YUMMY!
I watched Alien (1979) and Aliens (1986)
I didn't love either of these movies as much as I perhaps thought I might, but I did love Ellen Ripley.
As soon as they all ignore Ripley's advice and orders and let that face-sucking-spider-like gremlin aboard the ship I admit a large part of me thought, these men deserve what they've got coming to them. Actually to be candid, every time a man ignored or jeopardised Ripley a smirk did cross my face because I knew those H.R. Giger divas were going to tear them limb from limb and I am nothing, if not a woman who supports women!
As I explored when discussing the male heroes, watching them save the day and be funny while doing it to me is an absolute thrill - pure entertainment. So, then, as a young woman to see women do these same things is intoxicating!
Without getting to complex... I think I've always been drawn to these male figures because I was always the tom-boy as a kid and now I'm always the woman you're surprised to see in a dress, I'm built stockier and broader, I've always known how to survive in male dominated spaces. I am not, and never have been a 'cookie cutter girl' which meant I was forced into other boxes by people who were made uncomfortable by it. I've only really come to realise in the last few years that it was just really another form of misogyny perpetrated by men and internalised by some women. Without the 'pick-me girl' politics, I'm very happy being a 23 year old woman who dresses like I was spat out by an eighties punk and 13-year-old-2000s-skater-boi, who loves gore and smashing things. I'm very comfortable with who I am as a woman, and I won't feel guilty anymore for relating to male characters and idolising them, when those are the boxes I was forced into, when it felt like women like me weren't easily accessible or at least not what we were being force-fed. However, dear eighties, I won't ever stop calling out your misogynistic bullshit - watch yourselves!
So, then, as a young woman to see women do these same things is intoxicating! Sarah Connor defeating the Terminator, Buffy saving the world over and over - I'm not saying I could do these things but its nice to know that a woman could and that other people believe they can too. It's nice they're allowed to kick-ass and have a personality while doing it. I think the thing that stands out to me about Ellen Ripley is she didn't need to be a woman. Sarah Connor's ability to have children (not an attribute exclusive to women) is integral to plot of The Terminator and we follow Buffy on the transition from teenager to woman, and the internal battle of being the Slayer and just a girl. Both of which are of course valid and do not take away from the role at all, but the fact that Ripley could have have easily been a male role, and yet they picked a woman to save the world seems poignant. To be able to root for a woman at every turn as she is quick and clever and full of heart (oh wait Ripley is clever AND sensitive? Maybe she could only be a woman!), to forgive her for going back for that bloody cat, and to see her literally kick an alien's ass out of an air lock TWICE is SO NICE. I actually feel a lot like Jonesy (the cat), I feel like Ellen Ripley picked me up and saved me from feeling totally lost, with all of this shit. My last satisfying note is Ripley, also, predates all of the men I listed. Taking out bad guys and destroying alien life forms using unique tools in a fragile structure? I fear Ripley did it first boys.
I think what I'm trying to say is its really hard to be a young woman with all of society's expectations and stipulations, its hard to carve your own path and find your space. I think I'm finally starting to find mine, or at least starting to feel comfortable in it and it's so nice to be able to want to be a woman.
So if you encounter a young woman existing in her space and you have a problem with it all I can say is:
GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!
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